so sometimes i wonder like what God is doing in my life. sometimes i sit back and i examine my life and circumstances and different situations and i just wonder what the heck is going on. i miss school right now. i miss the positive spirit filled atmosphere. i feel like less of a person when im not there. i think thats bad because it means im almost like one person at home and one person at school.....environment does not shape character i know that much. im tired of games and negativity and not feeling like i can say what im thinking cuz im afraid of what will be said back. it sucks so bad. thats my life though. being the one person who sees things so clearly but also being the same one who lacks the boldness just to speak the truth when needed.

all kinds of bad vibes. all kinds of secrets i know that im not supposed to know. that really sucks.

i dont feel loved or appreciated by the people i love and appreciate most. why am i this way???

i just got done reading an amazing  book on spiritual warfare and i keep getting the thought of just let it go or that ill be all right and dont worry about others cuz thats the holy spirits territory and i have limits as a person as far as what i can do for others.

God has made me who i am for reasons so i dont want him to change that. but i do want to live holy. there are 9 fruits of the spirit and im not sure im very good at any of them right now. like not even one....and im supposed to exemplify all 9 at all times. i need prayer. i need someone close to me to help me out.

ahhh summer is here. i leave to go to barbados on the 22nd and will be there til june 15th.....that will be the absolute highlight of the summer.....until then ima be soooo bored. but ima make good use of the free time and hit the track and play tennis and what not..in fact just got a call from my best friend to go play so im about to head out....so to all my wonderful friends i hope your summer is going fantastic and continues to go that way. love you all.

plain and simple...right now i would love to feel that somewhere someone is talkin to God sayin hey, do you see Sam...help him out..be with him...

so the answer is yes...sam needs as much prayer as he can get right now.

aight i was gonna like copy and paste some more of my lyrics but i cant get to em so check out my myspace sometime myspace.com/samholmes

but i guess i could freestyle some stuff...

you ever had someone disappoint ya with a word? but really it was somethin they only heard.  and sometimes the facts seem so absurd. but i guess you still trust their word. right? well i think i need to trust more in His word even if that means becomin a Bible nerd and maybe if i do that then my problems will be cured.

i thought of that cuz sometimes hearin things about people disappoint you so bad but man how many ways have i disappointed God but its not like He's listenin for other people to talk crap about me..He sees it with His own eyes...think of how much worse that must be for Him...

im not gonna lie right now aint the best of times for me and im not as close to Him as i used to be so as i sit and listen to this guy called common i realize me and him have some things in common...deep thoughts about things but seems like our mind the devil is robbin cuz unusual thoughts come out through expressions and sometimes its through these lyrics i learn funny lessons...funny how God works in my life..and all He wants in return is my life.